There’s a degree of repetition to this book, where certain ideas such as self-improvement prior to marriage pop up again and again, just with slightly different wording. These three chapters fall into a series of ideas that I will examine.
Self improvement during singleness:
Chapter 12 focuses on “ignoring your biological clock” when it comes to relationships and simply work on self improvement in your life and in your relationships with friends and family. He encourages his readers not to waste time pining after a relationship but instead “hustle while you wait” and built good character. While on paper this is good advice, it falls into the trap of an overall attitude of perfectionism that pervades Harris’ book.
Super serious business:
Chapter 13 ends with a poem that says only men whose hearts are oceans strong and true should dare to stand at the bars of a woman’s heart and ask to gain entrance. He also recommends people keep the entire view of marriage in mind and be ready for sacrifice.
While all this advice is great and all, I feel he falls into the trap of making the whole process seem so earth shatteringly difficult and demanding that only the best need apply. No wonder people were scared to death of the opposite sex in his culture and church!
Carefully examine a potential significant other’s character according to evangelical standards
Harris lays out a few things to examine with potential “courting partners”(I can’t think of a better term) from how they interact with authority to how they relate to God and the opposite sex. While some of his tips are good, like examine how a guy treats his mother, I find his overall tone plays into an underlying message of the book: Make sure you and the other person have it completely together before you enter into a relationship that is instantly focused on marriage.
You know, with all these requirements, it’s a wonder many in Harris’ circle didn’t just decide, “Marriage and relationships aren’t worth it!”
We have two more chapters to go. Stay tuned.
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